"Without Tits There Is No Paradise"

Yes, this is in all seriousness, the title of one of the most popular soaps on TV here. ‘Sin tetas no hay paraíso’ (which I haven’t got stuck into yet) follows the story of a lady whose one ambition in life, it appears, is to get a boob job so she can get a rich (drug lord) boyfriend and have a nice life.

Big boobs are big here in Medellin. I think there are more people with than without. ‘Más femenina’ is a mantra. Getting a manicure, my lady didn’t know what to say to me - with my regular sized boobs, short hair, short (natural) nails and no make up, she seemed genuinely concerned for my future. ‘Are you SURE you wouldn’t like me to straighten your hair while you’re here?’.

Quite sure, thank you. Perhaps my paradise will have to wait a while longer…